So here we are in beautiful Maine for a week. Jack is still in Philadelphia working at CHOP and Leta is away at camp for the month. We are only three; Lucy, Ava and myself. Time to kick back, sleep late, and have fun. I don’t need to be in “go mode” trying to keep Leta happy, and I don’t have to worry about Leta’s medicine or her potential for getting really sick on vacation. But the reality? We are not having fun. It is not calm or relaxing because Lucy and Ava have NOT stopped fighting since we arrived. All I hear from them is… “Lucy stole my sunglasses,” “that was my seat,” “I found that sea glass first”, “that is my boogie-board,” “I called shot-gun,” “It is my turn on the computer”, “I’m talking to mom now,… No, I’m talking to mom now” as they struggle to get primacy on our beach walk. …the nonsense just goes on and on and on ad nauseum.

“Enough!” I scream for the 100th time, but yelling does not stop them. Then last night, the girls got so wound up over whose turn it was with the Kindle, that they actually ended up in a full blown hair pulling , knee kicking cat fight. It was either time to call Nanny 911 or figure out what I was doing wrong. With Leta away, instead of things being easier, the girls had managed to fill the calm of Leta’s absence with unbelievable chaos. “Why? Why? Why?” I asked myself.

And at 3am with my insomnia in full swing… The “Ah-hah!” answer dawned on me.

When Leta is around, the girl’s needs always take a back seat to her more immediate needs, and so, the trivial minutia of the day becomes irrelevant. There are no fights about clothes, or food and I don’t hear one hundred times that “It isn’t fair that…” or “she stole my shirt” or “she got the better seat,” or my favorite random scream for “MOMMMMMMMM!” the minute I leave the room. I realize that Leta reinforces this good behavior because her immediate medical and physical needs always trump the other kids crying wolf. My kids know this when she is around and don’t even test it. They already know from experience that not only will I ignore their trivial fights, I will give them my “are you serious?” glare and simply respond, “Too bad, life’s not fair” and walk away to return my focus to Leta.

But in Leta’s absence this week, I have parented my girls differently. I have indulged in their silly bickering and instead of parenting them with the glare and the “oh well, life’s not fair” approach, I somehow, unconsciously, coddled, arbritated, bribed and eventually found solutions to their problems of the minute. Only to be discouraged that their silly fights escalated.

When Leta is with us, all our priorities shift. Her medical care and her needs always come first. And in so doing, Leta not only helps me but helps my kids focus on what is really important. The petty small stuff is magically disregarded.

My girls will be returning from a sailing class shortly. Hopefully, after a fun afternoon, they will appreciate how lucky they are to be in beautiful Maine. But if they don’t and they come home with trivial complaints about the cold water, the bugs, or that one didn’t wait for the other to bike home…..then I am now re-armed with my glare and my “oh well” attitude. No more indulging Lucy and Ava. After 16 years raising Leta, I should know better.

sun, sea, sand, and Leta!

Rehobeth Beach with Garden House

Leta learning to swim with water wings

Sun, sea and sand means only one thing – The Beach! And for Leta it means excitement and a lot to do.
Driven by her own determination, she marches around the house gathering essentials in her backpack,
greeting others, a few checks in the kitchen that her lunch is being made… finding her one missing shoe,
then finishing her oatmeal!
The cars are loaded, songs are playing and Leta is smiling and dancing. She is planning on diving in
the sea – and is practicing holding her nose while still on firm ground.
“Bee” (Leta’s word for beach) becomes her mantra
for our car ride, which was anything but rhythmical or harmonious or peaceful. At first Leta was acknowledged and
responded to with smiles from the staff, but after two hours of hearing…:”be”,”be”,”be,” all fellow travelers went from politely saying
“I can’t wait to get to the beach.” to “get me out of this car.”
At the car park there are umbrellas, chairs, toys, coolers, boogie-boards and windbreakers to
carry and Leta is in the middle with hands ready to help. Naturally, she wants to carry multiple things, and thinks nothing of offering her third hand, her mouth.
Finally, when convinced that a little bucket with a shovel is as good as carrying the tent, the cooler or
chairs, we make our way to the beach. Leta carrys her items proudly, using one hand to hold her
bucket and the other to hold on to the person next to her; never mind if that person is juggling 10
chairs too!
Her grip is firm. Her steps are small. The weather is hot, and the word ‘be’ has not subsided in volume or intensity; “beee!”, “beeee!”, “beeeeeeeee!”.
Satisfied that she has arrived, she begins her search to find a good spot – near the water but not too near…she intuitively understands the incoming tides.
Not that it would stop Leta. Come big wave or enormous wave, she continues playing in the
sand. Even when the wave takes her bucket away, she calmly watches with a sorrowful expression,
prompting instant assistance from the public.

Next, Leta begins her diving dance safely on the beach. She holds her nose and makes motions for her brave act to follow. Of course, once in the sea she is
more eager to push, splash and dunk others instead. Enormous waves come upon Leta as payback. And she laughs.

Then Leta is ready to swim. But only if someone is standing on the shore with camera ready to document the moment.
Throughout the time at the beach, Leta makes sure that we don’t forget that she is there. She sits close to us and varies between
pulling large bugs out of our hair to making sure we really
appreciate the feel of LOTS of sand on our skin.
But most of all, we appreciate how entertaining and loveable Leta is. Her excitement is
contagious and her passion for the beach, heart warming. That’s what a beach trip should be after all- Sun, sea, sand and
Leta.