The Long Drive Home From Maine…

photoIt’s only an 8 hour drive from Scarborough, Maine to Philadelphia, but after 2 weeks of vacation with Leta I was dreading the long drive home. I decided to pull an all-nighter and leave at 8p in hopes that Leta would sleep.

The car was packed, 2 sandy dogs sat waiting, Ava and Lucy flipped a coin for their seats; Lucy winning and in shotgun. Leta, so excited to go “Home”, kept repeating the word 100 times, “HOME,HOME,HOME,“ perhaps believing, like Dorothy in Oz , she would magically return that instant. But Leta has no sense of time or distance and
refused to get in her car seat to start the long journey. In fact, It took two adults, the cajoling of my boyfriend’s deep voice by phone, and a lot of spitting and hair pulling by Leta, to not only force her into the seat, but get the seat beat buckled and attach an extra locking carabiner for safe measure. I was NOT going to let Leta Houdini her way out this time. None of this made Leta happy. She screamed, she flailed, and she grabbed Maya, the golden retriever’s tail, and bit it hard. ( Maya remained unfazed). Ava on the other hand, growing increasingly annoyed with the seating arrangement, insisted on switching places with Lucy. All this drama and we had not even left the driveway. Jack, having bolted on a Bolt bus out of Portland 2 days prior, was showing his time-learned self-preservation. The girls, unfortunately, still too young to find an escape route had no choice but to be trapped in the chaos.

I called Mark in tears. How am I going to do this for 8 more hours? I haven’t pulled an all-nighter since college? I must be insane to try and drive by myself through the night like this. He assured me that Leta would burn herself out quickly and fall asleep. And so we sat, waiting for her to calm down. Our landlord and neighbors also stood by politely waiting to give the customary good-bye waves.

I started the car, turned up the AC…but Leta was not giving up the fight, the noise decibels were only intensifying. Lucy & Ava were tired and frustrated. And they nudged me with a chorus of “MOMmmmm, let’s go!” And so it began. I gripped the wheel, put the car in reverse, and looked back in my rearview mirror. only to be reminded by its absence that Leta had broken the mirror off its hinges the day before.(Note to self to get it fixed once I returned to Philadelphia.)

And Mark had misjudged Leta’s capacity for screaming. She showed no signs of giving up the fight for the first two hours. And in that time, I pulled the car over twice, once to fix the bike rack that had inexplicably fallen so low that the bikes were dragging on the highway. And once to to find my phone which had fallen under the seat. Somehow, Ava managed to fall asleep as signs for Portsmouth, NH flashed ahead. At least, we had made it out of Maine.

And that left Lucy in the trenches next to Leta. She knew from experience that her tour of duty would last 8 long hours. She was guaranteed endless hair pulling, no sleep, inexplicable spitting and pinching. But she was not complaining. Instead, Lucy seemed to be rising to the occasion. Each time I looked back at her ( not in my rearview mirror) she had things more and more under control. Instead of defending herself against Leta’s attacks and complaining, Lucy was developing a strategy. She was patiently and methodically putting up with Leta’s asaults and trying her best to redirect her to music and pictures on her i-phone. Lucy was speaking to Leta softly, asking what was wrong, holding her hand, trying to make her laugh. And it worked. Slowly, Leta responded and slowly she stopped screaming and eventually she calmed down enough to fall asleep. I was so proud of Lucy. I had seen Jack at a very young age know intuitively how to calm Leta down, and now Lucy at 13 had also figured it out. This is not something you teach kids or instruct them how to do. It is a form of learned empathy as a survival strategy.

And so thanks to Lucy, we drove in silence through Boston and onto the Mass Turnpike. Maybe we would all get home safely after all?

In Hartford, I stopped for gas and I suppose the noise and change in lighting woke Leta up. She quickly was reminded of her status as a prisoner and began screaming and flailing around again….second verse, same as the first…she tried to bite the dog, pinch Lucy, spit, scream, grab at anything she could find to hurl towards the front seat. Again, we were drowning in the noise, that is all of us but Ava who continued to sleep. Holding back tears, Lucy begged me pull over at a hotel for the night or at least, unlock Leta from the car seat, I agreed to the latter. Only 4 1/2 hours left to go.
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Victorious, Leta quieted down immediately, but in her usual fashion she got busy trying to squirm into the front seat, play with the GPS and radio, grab my phone to call her dad, pinch the dogs, search for snacks, wake Ava up…..all the things that make driving 60 miles per hour on the highway in the dark dangerous.

But Lucy, egged on by my praise of her as the Leta whisperer, was handling things. She got Leta to snuggle under a blanket and listen to music, and again Leta fell asleep. This dance continued for the next 2 hours. Leta waking up, Lucy calming her down and putting her back to sleep. I know Lucy was tired but she was not letting on that she couldn’t handle it. At one point, she did start to get annoyed and I snapped at her unfairly. I needed her so desperately to make this drive work, I couldn’t have her quit. And finally at 2am when we had reached the New Jersey Turnpike, we were on the home stretch; all was quiet. Instead of falling asleep, Lucy told me that she was going to stay awake to help me stay alert and get home. She didn’t want me to have to do this drive alone. And that is what we did. Arriving at 4am, we were exhausted but safe.

So many milestones of my kids lives are fading into the past..forgotten memories now. And without pictures, or written recordings, I can’t always seem to place some memories, like their very first words, or when they first sang me the entire alphabet song, or learned how to tie their shoe laces. But with Leta as a marker, I think I will always remember my kid’s moments of real growth into the wonderful people they are becoming. The milestones being the events that shaped their being kind and empathetic to the core. And I proudly sit on the sideline taking no credit. Because each time Leta was their teacher.

5 thoughts on “The Long Drive Home From Maine…

  1. Virginia Onufer says:

    Helen and I both read and loved your story. We were reading along, feeling for all of you (Leta, too!) But then, what a twist! All suffering redeemed when Lucy saves the day! Tell Lucy we’re dazzled by her compassion and skill. Great things await.

    And give Leta a hug from us.

  2. Christine Morrissey Grubb says:

    I absolutely adore these entries. You are truthful and able to find the beauty in difficult times. Thanks for sharing! To Lucy, the MVP of the trip-job well done!

  3. Suzanne Dudley-Schon says:

    Another great story you have written! How beautifully you let us see this challenging moment become so glorious… Thank you for sharing…

  4. Ericka says:

    How do I love my Lucy!!! What an amazing and powerful story Lainey!! I can practically be there with you in that car!!! So proud!

  5. Robin Allen says:

    Lucy will be MOTHER OF THE CENTURY! She has cut her teeth very early:)
    The Maine drive is horrible for even the best of us- tell Leta I know exactly how she feels. The NJTP being the worst part. Almost there and so sick of the drive.
    BTW, I don’t have a Leta- and I can’t remember the milestones of my kids either!

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